Let's start with today, because I like to work in reverse-
It's Friday (finally), I'm NOT at work (thankfully), and my pup is running around my yard (playfully). Enough of that? Okay.
I didn't get out of bed until around 10:30 - I needed some seriously sleep. You should also know that last night I went to bed at 8pm and don't remember falling asleep so it probably happened pretty quickly. But I guess mixing wine and anti-anxiety meds can do that do you. ANYWAY, I'm up and I'm blogging on my deck at the table we got from my husband's parents because they moved into a condo that had no room for it. This was easily a $1000 set with a grill in the middle and a propane tank space underneath. Someday I want to have the money to buy stuff like this and not feel bad about giving it away less than a year later.
I started this morning off with a shower, because i'm not gross and I do, indeed, believe in hygiene. After that I got dressed, went back down to the bathroom and blew my nose. Surprisingly I hadn't sneezed yet, but given my level of allergies and the fact that it is a nice day out I figured I would be proactive. I had recently finished an older bottle of Walgreens brand Zyrtec (I got it for free at a Trade Show and I'm surprised at how well it works... I was an avid Claritin user; but hey.. when it's free) however, opening a new bottle was a challenge in itself. I broke the seal with my (recently manicured) nail and then proceeded to push down and turn. Nothing. I tried this for about 5 minutes before i went and opened my dog's bottle of Claritin and just took one of those. Oh yeah, my dog has allergies. Love him. But seriously, I have to ask... how strong are the children you are defending your medicines against. I can see it on Vicodin/Clonazepam/Oxycodone, etc... but who is going to OD on Zyrtec? If I can't open it, it's too damn much. For chrissake.
After I gave up and took my dog's medicine (I'd like to clarify that it is actually human Claritin, it's just that I bought it specifically for my dog because Zyrtec hasn't been approved for animal use yet) I decided to blow dry and straighten my hair. I'm not sure why, I don't do it when I HAVE to go to work. Maybe that's why? Fuck the man and all that shit. So I straightened my hair after drying it but didn't want it on my face. Unfortunately, I just spent 5 minutes straightening it and I didn't want to put it in a ponytail with an elastic because then i'd have the hideous elastic line. Yes girls, it's hideous. No girls, it does not look like 'natural waves' so stop fucking doing that. I pulled my bag of clips out of my closet already knowing it was going to frustrate me, but trying anyway. I have this problem where I have a LOT of hair. I have another problem where each strand is very fine. Dilemma? Small clips cannot hold ALL of my hair. Large clips allow many fine pieces to slip out at the turn of a head or a bounce on a bump in the road while driving. This is insanely annoying. Long story short, my hair is currently in my face. Fail.
That is today so far. I have to try and return a pair of pants I bought at Walmart in February today because I got them for my 2nd job, which I recently quit and NEVER wore them. Clearly I'm past the 30, 60, or even 90 day return policy but I'm hoping that if I tell them i purchased them for a new job, ended up in the hospital for the last few months, and couldn't find time to return them, they might be sympathetic. Yes, shameless liar. But if any giant chain store deserve it, it would be Walmart. Besides I can use the store credit for candy and shit. I'm poor as fuck. God dammit. Either way, I'll let you know how it goes. The dialogue is bound to be either a)hilarious or b)incomprehensible so it should be a good story either way.
About these meetings- I went to take notes. Yes, notes. For three days, on 10 different discussions. At the end of each day my notes were 12-14 pages long and I am pretty sure that no one will read any of it. I was informed that never in the past has anyone taken notes for these meetings, but hey.. since i was there, why not? Maybe I'll be the reason that more of the things they talk about actually come to fruition? I know, right? Smarten up.
One of the presenters pronounces all ending D's like they are T's. How do you get through your entire life doing this? It was not TESTIT, it was TESTED. So please, PLEASE, stop saying that. You are driving me crazy.
The room these meetings was in was freezing, FREEZING. I went to the store and bought two new shirts just to like nice in something different from my every day wardrobe and do you know what? No one has any idea if I looked nice or not because my jacket was on nearly the ENTIRE time. I have never had so much Hot Chocolate or Tea in three days. Do you know why I did? JUST TO HOLD THE WARM CUP.
Not to mention, all the free meals were carb. central. For someone attempting the Atkins diet, this is a problem. I did, somehow, manage to lose another .6 pounds though, so I'll take it. When I started this diet I weight 148 pounds. I'm 5'8" so it's by no means FAT but I have a gut I wouldn't put in a bikini and since summer is rapidly approaching I thought I'd finally try to do something about it. I had lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks (I'm slow.. I know), and was down to 138. After three days of bagels, yogurt, granola, sandwiches, two slices of cake, and croissants (I have no willpower) I was quite sure I'd be pack at 148, if not surpassing it. I was surprised to weigh myself this morning and find the scale stopping at 137.4. Congratulations to me, sort of. Now I need to start exercising. Speaking of which, there was one good thing that came out of those meetings! I sat next to a gentleman I work with and he advised me that there is a beautiful bike trail that spans several counties and starts in MY TOWN. I had no idea, but I will certainly be taking advantage of that. Yessssss!
On the last day of presentations however, I may have been overtired and cranky (not 'may have been', i definitely was) this guy was getting on my nerves. I do not want kids. I am selfish. I understand why people DO want kids, but I don't. Nothing they represent is worth all of the time, money, and responsibility to me. I am also willing to accept that I am young, and may, in 20 years, change my mind. But as of right now, and for the next 6 years of foreseeable future, there is NOTHING about children that makes me pine for them. WHY is this something that people cannot accept? When someone tells me they WANT kids, I never say OMG YOU WON'T WANT KIDS, THEY ARE AWFUL, YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND. BELIEVE ME, I WAS THE SAME WAY, AND YOU WILL NOT WANT THEM SOON. So why is it that when people find out I do NOT want kids I have to hear them say (EVERY TIME) 'Oh, you'll change your mind. They really mean a lot to your life once you have them. You're still so young and don't really know what you want. Eventually you'll want a family, and kids will be a big part of that.' Shut.The.Fuck.Up. Since when did discussing the prospect of kids become just as annoying as religious debates? To each their own. Yippie Ki-Yay! (Yes, that is a die hard reference because I'm hard core).
Another piece to my awful last day of presentations was that this same guy decided he needed to leave early, putting my computer in charge of the powerpoints. He hooked all the wires into my laptop and told me I was all set. ALL.SET. As the last presenter gets to his first video, I press play, make it full screen, and sit back. What happens? NO.SOUND. Why is there no sound? He set everything up for me, why wouldn't their be sound? What was going on? So for what felt like an hour (about 3 minutes) I was fumbling around with some 'mixer audio box' and three cables trying to figure out what he did. He plugged the output cable into my headphone jack, and he hid the mixer box in the podium by our table. What didn't he do? He didn't plug the box into the wall. So I find the end of the plug, and the presenter plugs it into the wall. Still no sound! Now what? I see another cord on the ground, this one with a strange metal attachment. I look at the cord plugged into my laptop and make the connection. So what else didn't he do? He didn't plug the other end of the cord from my headphone jack into the output hole of the mixer. Day saved! Face red! Presentation continued. Remind me to thank him for that graciously.
On a last note, I have been obsessed with Carrie Underwood's new album 'Blown Away'. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not a huge fan of country. But since I like songs for the lyrics, and Carrie Underwood is one vindictive bitch, she really speaks to me. I mean this in the best way possible. I recommend the song 'Two Black Cadillacs'.
Thank y'all and have a good afternoon!
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